I keep wondering whether I should just concede that I'm not a performer, never will be, and stop worrying about it and trying to make myself something I'm not.
I've been reading a book about making changes--it's called Switch--that has some interesting ideas. One is to build on the moments when whatever change you desire is already there in some form.
Well, it's true that sometimes I enjoy performing, and I'm even good at it.
The problems tonight were with focusing. My dancing is exceptionally good on a lot of levels.
Barbra Streisand has problems remembering lyrics. That doesn't diminish who and what she is by a single iota.
So let's think of some strategies:
- I'm going to keep practicing. My applejack surprised my teachers today.
- I'm going to work on my thinking patterns. Small problems don't have to be catastrophes.
- I'm going to keep doing visualizations.
- I'm going to talk to myself about the things I do well.
Oddly enough, NPR tonight pointed the way to a solution for me. Terry Gross was interviewing a ballet dancer who's the author of a new history of ballet (I think it's Apollo's Angels). The writer pointed out that dancing is moving in the direction of greater and greater virtuosity. What seems to be getting lost are emotion and artistry.
Well, I can do emotion and artistry. I've seen dancers with great souls (Pirkko is one) be incredibly moving without calling upon their virtuosity.
I can think about that.
I can stir people on Sunday. I can do that.
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